Golf Hand Job Sports Joke Of The Week

As I’ve been getting some flak from my subscribers about including another sports joke I’ve decided I’d better do the right thing and find a good one for them. Man, I wish finding jokes about sports was as easy as finding jokes for my Friday Funnies posts. I’ve been writing those posts on a weekly basis for almost three years!

Still, it wasn’t easy, but I did manage to find a ripper of a joke. Even though it’s another golf joke, it incorporates three significant factors. Sex, humour and a hot looking sheila.  :thumb_up:

Hand Job After A Round Of Golf

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the clubhouse.

As he passes through the doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER $2.50
HAMBURGER: $3.50
CHEESEBURGER: $4.25
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $4.75
HAND JOB: $150.00

golf hand jobChecking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar & beckons to the beautiful female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

“Yes?” she inquires with a broad, knowing smile.

“May I help you, sir?”

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,

“I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a broad smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am. I give the best handjobs around!”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,

“Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”

 I wonder if he went for the cheeseburger because he didn’t have his viagra handy?  I mean, what’s the point of a hand job if you can’t get it up? : LOL:

Just to finish off, I’ve managed to convince Victoria to tell us one of her funny sports jokes. It’s pretty good too and comes complete with a sexy image of Maria Sharapova.

Victoria's Sports Joke

Here’s an excellent video of the Top 10 Little Johnny Jokes.

Also, YouTube now requires that I have 1,000 subscribers so please help me by subscribing.

Don’t forget to share this week’s sports joke with your friends.

Golf Humour

I’m feeling pretty happy after my last winning bet so I thought I would do another sports jokes post. This one is about golf humour! Seems to me that there are a lot of golf jokes out there. My last sports joke way back in October was actually a funny story of a woman golfer. Seems to me that there is a lot of golf humour out there. I wonder if that’s because golfing industry needs a lot of golf humour to keep people interested. ;)

Do you remember Happy Gilmore? Now there was a funny movie. If anything was the pinacle of golf humour that would have to be it. Yeah, I know some of you are saying that Caddyshack is a great movie full of golf humour but in my personal opinion I reckon Happy Gilmore was better.

The following joke may not appear to have anything to do with golf humour but don’t you worry you will see the golf humour as you get to the end of the joke.

Golf Humour Love Is Blind When It Comes To Golf

Ed and Linda met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant.  While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Linda took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

Now we all know how much Victoria loves her jokes. That being the case I asked her if she had anymore golf humour. She came up with this one.

Victoria’s

golf humour

I had a look on YouTube to see if I could find any golf humour. I found a great clip of the late Robin Williams!


That’s it for today’s Sports Joke. Don’t forget to share it with your friends ;)

Golf Sports Joke

Funny Story Of A Woman Golfer

Golf Sports

It’s been a while since I posted a joke and so I though it was about time I gave you guys a real treat.

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One got transferred to another city. It wasn’t the same without him.

A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their  golf round. She said, “You know, I used to play on my golf team in  college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?”

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say ‘yes’,  but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early — at 6:30 a.m.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They  rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said “Good I’ll be  there at 6:30 or 6:45.”

She showed up at 6:30 sharp and beat all three of them with an  eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and a pleasant person and the  guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and  invited her back the next week. She smiled and said “I’ll be there at  6:30 or 6:45.”

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand. They were  totally amazed.

They couldn’t figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn’t seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her.

The third week the guys had their game faces on. But this time she was 15 minutes late which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played  right-handed and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn’t hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers and finally one of the men asked her point blank “How do you decide if  you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

The lady blushed and grinned. “That’s easy” she said. “When my Dad taught me to play golf I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him.  If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left I golfed left-handed.”

The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, “But what if it’s pointing straight up?”

She said, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late”

 I don’t know about you but I sure as hell was not expecting that!

And now, a little something from our very own comedian, the sultry Victoria.

Victorias Golf Sports Joke

If you liked those jokes please share it with your friends. You can do so by clicking on your favourite social media icon below.  :thumb_up:

Love golf jokes? Great, here’s some great golf jokes!

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