Swimming Jokes

Today’s sports jokes are all about swimming jokes. I’ve decided on a sports joke today because it’s been so long since my last sports joke post. It was the Farts Football post way back on the 10th. March. That being the case I thought it was high time I posted another sports orientated joke. This following joke involves both diving and swimming sports.

Swimming Jokes To Make You Laugh

swimming jokesA man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.

She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other.’

He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a resort. One morning, they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, ‘That was incredible!’

He said, ‘I  used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.’

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. After seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her
towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, ‘That was incredible!  Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’

‘No,’ she said, ‘I was a prostitute in Mildura, but I worked both sides of the Murray !!!

Finally, let’s have a look at Victoria’s swimming joke.

Victoria's swimming joke

I sure hope you like today’s sports/swimming jokes. If you did why not share it with your friends?

If you’d love some more jokes, why not check out As always, you can get more laughs by checking out my Friday Funnies posts or the rest of my hilarious sports jokes?

 

Golf Sports Joke

Funny Story Of A Woman Golfer

Golf Sports

It’s been a while since I posted a joke and so I though it was about time I gave you guys a real treat.

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One got transferred to another city. It wasn’t the same without him.

A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their  golf round. She said, “You know, I used to play on my golf team in  college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?”

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say ‘yes’,  but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early — at 6:30 a.m.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They  rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said “Good I’ll be  there at 6:30 or 6:45.”

She showed up at 6:30 sharp and beat all three of them with an  eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and a pleasant person and the  guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and  invited her back the next week. She smiled and said “I’ll be there at  6:30 or 6:45.”

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand. They were  totally amazed.

They couldn’t figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn’t seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her.

The third week the guys had their game faces on. But this time she was 15 minutes late which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played  right-handed and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn’t hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers and finally one of the men asked her point blank “How do you decide if  you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

The lady blushed and grinned. “That’s easy” she said. “When my Dad taught me to play golf I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him.  If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left I golfed left-handed.”

The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, “But what if it’s pointing straight up?”

She said, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late”

 I don’t know about you but I sure as hell was not expecting that!

And now, a little something from our very own comedian, the sultry Victoria.

Victorias Golf Sports Joke

If you liked those jokes please share it with your friends. You can do so by clicking on your favourite social media icon below.  :thumb_up:

Love golf jokes? Great, here’s some great golf jokes!

Soccer Jokes In Honour Of The Fifa World Cup

Yep, I reckon it’s time I presented you guys with another sports joke. In honour of the 2014 Fifa World Cup I think it’s only fitting that soccer jokes should be the focus of this weeks Sports Jokes.

The scouts are a very important factor of any top sport team Their job is to find up and coming sport stars who will hopefully make their team a finals contender. The following soccer joke is about a talented soccer player recruited by the Liverpool scout.

Soccer Joke Liverpool Scout Recruit

It turns out that Liverpool has a well-known goalscoring problem. In an effort to solve the problem they send their top scout around the world to look for some top talent. Around the end of his trip, he stops over in Baghdad where he happens to see a young Iraqi lad playing on the street. The kid is phenomenal, so the scout recommends him to Brendan Rogers. Liverpool sign him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason.

It’s the opening game of the season and Liverpool are down 3-0 at home, with only 15 minutes left. With nothing to lose, Rodgers gives the kid the nod and the young Iraqi runs onto the pitch, replacing Luis Suarez. The kid is a sensation – scores 4 goals in 15 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love their new star.

When the player comes off the field he’s an instant hero, but because he’s a humble and grounded lad, the first thing he does is phone his mum to tell her about his first day of English premiership football. “Hello Mom, guess what” says the youngter “Did you see? I got my first 15 minutes and scored 4 goals, it’s amazing I love it here, I can’t believe what a day I’ve had!” “

Well that’s wonderful and all” says his mom, “but let me tell you about my day. While you were out playing your football and celebrating with your new friends, your father was shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother ran off and joined a gang of looters.”

The young Iraqi boy is obviously very, very upset. He’s shocked, and doesn’t know what to say “What can I say mum, that’s awful, I’m so sorry.”

“SORRY?” she replies.”You’re sorry?? It’s because of you we moved to Liverpool in the first place”

I got this one in an email the other day. This soccer joke really made me smile.

soccer joke

Finally, I want to share with you a really funny video. This particular video was put together by some guys who go by the name Dude Perfect. They’ve put this video together in honour of The 2014 World Cup. I absolutely loved it when I saw it and I know you will too.

The Red Card In Rio Soccer Joke Video

If you loved that video as much as I did you should check out the Dude Perfect Channel.

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